my dad sucks.
apparently “hes” resentful towards me, dont know why, because ive done nothing to him.
i just cant handle it. i am one fucking person. i cant handle this much stress at once. i cant satisfy anyone. im not good enough. i never have been. but now its really showing just how much i suck. i dont even do anything wrong and i suck.
i cant draw, im not an art student, i just wanna take pictures. my teacher knows this, yet she still embarrasses me in front of the class and gives me grades i dont deserve. i did really well on my last asignment. my grade? C-. she degrades me every class. every single one. and my advisor is her husband, so i cant really say I HATE YOUR WIFE CHANGE MY CLASSES. he is also my photography teacher, of which i lost my first fucking assignment for. which means im gonna have an F in there until we have another assignment. and if i dont keep a 3.0, i lose my LIFE scholarship, which means id be dropping out of college next year because i cant afford to go. which means id be a bum for my whole fucking life. and no one at that fucking school is helping me becuase they dont care. not a single person. at all. so, fuck school.
my dad yells at me for no fucking reason tonight. like, im asking my mom if she has her phone on her so i can call her so i dont have to shout from upstairs about school questions (changing my classes and major and whatnot). she says she cant find it. so i say “well, find it please!” except the ‘please’ came out quieter than i meant for it to. and he raged. he RAGED. like, threatening me and shit, thinking i was rude to my mom, and when i tried explaining myself, he wouldnt let me talk. he called me names. he told me if he ever heard me speak like that hed kick me out. just, dumb shit. so, fuck him.
and him. i literally dont even know why he felt the need to express that he had any type of resentment towards me. granted, it was on twitter, and social networks ruin everything. but still. i literally have done everything in my power to show how much i love him. ive done no wrong. none. NO WRONG. like, ive been sitting here for 10 minutes just thinking of things i couldve done that comes off badly… like said something that couldve been taken the wrong way or whatever… nothing. ive done nothing. i dont understand. at all.
the tears falling from my face are neither necessary nor deserved. i cant please everyone, OBVIOUSLY. but when i try, really hard, to be a good daughter, student, and girlfriend-type thing, and fail at all three at once? i cant. like, why am i even still here. the things that are important to me, im failing. i dont deserve to be crying as hard as i am right now. i dont deserve to be fucking crying at all. im a good kid. i care about others’ feelings. im supportive. i love hard. im passionate. im positive. in no way am i a bad influence on ANY FUCKING ONE. why am i being tortured. i cant fucking handle it. i cant do this anymore. im so… hurt.
somone fucking hug me.